movies, a river, and quesadillas: the SAICFF 2013

Hello lovely blogger world! I must apologize for coming off as a bit downhearted in my last post. You know how sometimes your so inspired--so moved--maybe by prayer, that you MUST share the deepest part of your soul? That's how I felt then. And today? Well, God is beautiful. And life is beautiful. . .more beautiful than I can express. And homemade macaroni and cheese inside me (with this morning's coffee,) makes it THAT much more beautiful. I have a great and awesome Lord. The sun isn't shining, but I feel it within me. The windows are open--letting in that first, subtle spring-tinged breeze. Best yet, I was invited--no, my way is being paid (k, I'm going halves, but that's just fair, ;) ) to visit my bestie on the West Coast. THAT could be nothing but a work of divine providence. He knows our every need! And now I say, goodbye discouragement!--I'm 22 (more on that in a very-near-future-post,) and yes, trials come, but there is good lurking around the corner of every faithful heart. Can't wait to write this new chapter. Big things are happening.

So. I have trillions of blog post ideas running like crazy through my head. . .which means, lucky for you--I won't be sitting here struggling for inspiration. . .for several months at least. ;) The Hobbit review I promised is nearly done. . .and I WILL vlog at some point (am I the only person who HATES themselves on camera? Ick.) And well. . .I'd better splurge every detail of the hugely-awesome SAICFF NOW while it's still fresh and living and in everything I think, feel, and say.

As some of you have probably figured out, my big adventure--my fernweh--was the 2013 San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival. You might also remember that Anna and I attended last years festival and had the time of our lives. In a very different way. See, we drove last year--a grueling 24 hour drive that left us deeply bonded, pumpkin-headed, and on a granola-bar-and-M&M-weight-loss-program. ;)

This year we flew. . .alone for the very first time.

Of course we did a lot of nonsensical fretting, because truly, the Lord planned every detail of our trip. We even survived the TSA (I'll refrain from further comments,) and both layovers in Atlanta. Flying alone was actually very satisfying--it forced us to fend for ourselves in a big world that isn't always thoughtful or kind. It forced us to keep our cool when running like two orphaned children to catch a connecting flight. . .alllll the way across the basement of an airport, (over 30 gates!) up two (unbelievably slow) escalators, and over three floors. Not to mention downhill-roller-coaster-turbulence from SA to Atlanta.

Anna made a comment to me this morning--"since when did we grow up?" It's thought provoking. When do we grow up? When do we become adults?--maybe Peter Pan was wrong after all. (horror of horrors!)  Because overnight I've turned 22. Overnight I've gotten so much experience flying that I'm confident enough to travel to Washington. Overnight my married friends are inviting me to visit them. Overnight the way I view the world is changing. . .

It was breathtaking, seeing my San Antonio again after a year. Because when Michaela loves something, she throws away chunks of her heart. It's scattered over various people, Disneyland, The Graveyard in MI, our restored Victorian square. . .and the highly spiced, colorful, whimsically Latino San Antonio Riverwalk.

I'm firmly convinced that the riverwalk is one of the most magical places on earth. Something like Louis L'amour meant when he asked, "what is romance?" The Riverwalk does that for me, especially at night, when lights dance over the water, everything is still, everything so dreamy and peaceful. It makes me quiet (maybe I'll just move there and spare my family the constant chatter :P )--strolling under bridges, admiring crooked palm trees, seeing the riverboats and people-friendly ducks. . .knowing that at the end lies one of my favorite events of all time: the film festival. And all the people I love.

  

It started with lunch at the cutest little Mexican restaurant in the cutest historic area. Big brick mansions, 70 degree weather, friends, and quesadillas. Doesn't get much better than that. :) Afterward we checked into our hotel, had deep philosophical discussions, and spent a whirlwind of a first day jet-lagged, immensely happy, full of Charlie Zham and good fellowship. 

 
{Sneak-peak of lunch and lunch people. aka, Anna and I with our friends Stacy and Josh. Josh actually doubled as our escort (and official coffee supplier ;) )  for the weekend. Very, very grateful for my "adopted" brothers. :) }

We didn't make it to any movies that day, but it was such a blessing hanging out with new and old friends, I didn't care. Which, btw, this SAICFF was doubly amazing because SO many of my special film people were all together in one place. It was like a huge Beyond the Mask reunion. (to all of you who couldn't make it--especially my sewing girls--you were there in spirit!) 

 

A good big breakfast was much appreciated in the morning. ;) Granola bars are somewhat of a trend when Anna and I travel. Anywho--we shared our hotel room (on the 19th floor! Amazing view of the city from up there,) with three of the lovely young ladies we sewed with over the summer. 

{yes. . .I was sad. This was our last night in SA. Though it may have helped if the photographer said WHEN to smile. ;) On another note, the costumes you see? They are everyday, usual attire for these ppls. Pretty awesome or what? }

 

{Friends. I didn't get photos with everyone--so much hustle and bustle from one movie to another, lectures and  whatnot-- but here are a couple. Shout out for Hedrick Brothers Productions and For Heaven's Sake! Productions.}

To make a very long story short--the remainder of the weekend included coffee (because smart people know there is no life without it, ;) ) music, trying to remember to eat. . .and of course dozens of inspiring films (including Indescribable [neat seeing so many friends on the "big screen"] and The Lost Medallion,) but especially the SAICFF's Audience Choice, Best Feature, and runner up for Best of Festival: Return to the Hiding Place. I may or may not have seen it twice. #oneofthemostincrediblywellmadeandheartrendingmoviesI'veEVERseen

{and I may or may not have been so excited to see John Rhys-Davies I  announced to the lady sitting next to me "I was hugged by that guy TWICE!"}  

Oh yes, and the crew party for Beyond the Mask. And the sneak-peak clips we watched. And the fact that I saw my mom. . .and myself. Twice. Totally humiliating? You bet. :P Especially since I look all blotchy and very obviously have a cold. *ahem* Otherwise, this is going to be a stunning film (running out of adjectives. . .I think I've used every one in the book in this post, ;) ) And I'm not just saying that because it's "our" movie. 

{Oscar DeGrate--aka the official mascot of Beyond the Mask}

The closing ceremony was beautiful. I was very inspired by the Best of Festival winners testimony (The Drop Box) and so blessed to meet him at the San Antonio airport the next day! (God works in mysterious ways.) Mr. Phillips and Faith sang Time to Say Goodbye (which was more than slightly breathtaking since Andrea Bocelli is my favorite singer in all the world,) and the Lord was praised and glorified throughout.

  

Have I caught the vision of Christian film making? YES a hundred times. Movie people are special. . .and the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival does the powerful work that brings them together. Not only to revolutionize the world, but in fellowship and Christian bonding. I may have only been a very small fraction of one Independent movie, but I am so proud, so excited to see what God will do in the history of Christian film. . .and to be one small voice promoting and cheering my teammates on.

I miss you, San Antonio. And I miss you, my dear, beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ. More then you will ever know. Thank you for making this girl very happy, and thank you Vision Forum for making the magic happen!

All I Have.

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way.
The sin that promised joy and life

Had led me to the grave.

I had no hope that You would own

A rebel to Your will.

And if You had not loved me first

I would refuse You still.

The battle rages all around me, thick with arrows of doubt, anger, cutting deep into my soul, slashing at my heart. I fight back with words of hate--all the paybacks I think my enemies deserve. All the words I wouldn't say to their faces, black and distorted, ugly and mocking. It's easy to hide. Easier then standing in the open, standing in this black, empty place--a place where I see nothing but death, nothing but a gaping hole of doom. Of no turning back. Of lies I don't believe. Lies that make me drop my sword, cover my ears, close my eyes as another arrow of insult hurtles into my wounded spirit.

With a cry I drop to my knees.

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state

And led me to the cross.

And I beheld God’s love displayed

You suffered in my place

You bore the wrath reserved for me

Now all I know is grace.

I see His Shadow. That vague light, getting ever stronger--brighter, brighter as I watch Him. As I train my eyes on the One, the great Warrior and King. My King. The enemy falls at His glance, right and left like puffs of smoke, running like frightened children--mere imaginations; ghosts of my mind. For now I see who they really are: the tests and trials of the Christian life. And now, when I take my Kings hand, and though the battle rages round us, I am untouched. Because He is leading. Because in His Shadow I see the arrows fall--fall into my hole of death.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

See, I've learned a lot about surrender. Oh no, I'll never surrender to the enemy. But I've surrendered my battles--the spiritual warfare of every day, to my King. When I finally let Him guide my stubborn, wandering heart. . .beautiful things happen. I'm not saying the trials are any easier. I'm not saying that I'm always filled with the Joy of Him or always walk in His Light. But when He leads--when we audibly cry out to Him--in the darkest night, in the darkest hole, when the arrows fly the fastest. . .then, and only then, can He work. I of all people know how difficult it is to find that surrender, to allow Him to gather my tears and put them in a bottle. To give Him my all and everything, and to know that everything works together for His good. I'm learning. And I want Him to fight for me.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me.

Oh Father, use my ransomed life

In any way You choose.

And let my song forever be

My only boast is You.

As many of you may have guessed, I just returned from a beautiful, God-filled trip to the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival. This is one of my surrender points. You see, the Lord orchestrated every single atom of everything that happened--but I'm home now. I'm back to the ho-hum of life, to the purposeless-ness of the every day grind. It's hard. I admit that with all my heart. And there are things that have happened since SA that just don't make sense--things that I can't face alone. Things I wish I didn't have to think about, worry about--things I've been trying these past few days to surrender. Strange, because I feel such a peace now. . . Maybe that's what Spiritual maturity feels like. Maybe that's just the answer to all the testing. I don't know.

But I do know that today

I'm grateful for a family who loves me. For parents who listen and understand. For a friend so close I can tell her anything, and even as a newly married bride, takes the time to pray for me. I'm grateful for accusations. I'm grateful for hard hearts. I'm grateful for misunderstandings. I'm grateful for things that stretch everything in my weak, inexperienced self--like running through an airport. . .just knowing we'd miss our flight. . .up and down escalators, panting and out of breath, carrying heavy bags. . .and finally getting to our gate with 15 minutes to spare. Red faces, dry throats, and all. I'm grateful. For the little things; meeting the winner of the SAICFF Best of Festival in the airport. For old and new friendships. For people who may never know how much they bless me. . .and for others who I'd just like to slap. I'm grateful even for them.

You see, I'm grateful--for life! For a God who stretches me. Who puts the most difficult into my life. Who forces me to love, when I have only reason to hate. Without Christ we are nothing. Without Christ the battles of life would overcome us--and they do. Unless we find the courage to put aside our weak flesh and realize that He can overcome. That He DOES overcome. That we are measly worms challenging a great and mighty King.

 Hallelujah! All I have is Christ

Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Christ is All I Have.

Lyrics © 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise 

Another chapter closed.

2012. In some ways, it was the most life-changing year of my life. So many places, so many faces, so many new, strange, unique, and completely God-made experiences! Those are the memories I want to keep forever. Others, like breakups with friends, hurt and distrust--I've buried. I've surrendered to my Jesus. And that's the miracle of 2012; learning the true meaning of complete surrender.  I'm done with worrying about living my life according to other people's standards; I am me. And I must follow His perfect, unique path for my future.

{via}

That's 2013. An adventure into the unknown. Pages--like my heart put into poetry--blank and waiting to be filled by the Master of life. Aside from the SAICFF (more on that in a minute) I don't have many plans. . . .and it's a little frightening. My heart left the Shire and my comfortable Hobbit hole long ago; The World is Ahead!

{via}

2012. 

--my 21st birthday.  if i could stop time (because seriously, i'm getting old!) i'd stay right here. 21 is somewhere between maturing-young-adult and little girl who doesn't NEED (or want) to grow up. . .yet. and i'm happy that way. 22 will be great, i'm sure. . .but after 22 comes 23. . .then jumps to 25. and right now i don't even want to think 30. (Peter Pan, i'll always love you!) the interesting part of turning 22 is that i'll be celebrating it in TX. and i've already gotten a Kindle Fire HD as an early birthday gift. which is pretty awesome. :)

{taken in MI by my friend Danielle} 

--attended the 2012 San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival with a whole crew-ful of beautiful people. we drove alll the way from Ohio, and while i'll admit that overnight road-trips and i don't get along, it was one of the best experiences of my life! we sang, talked non-stop, rarely slept, ate nothing but sandwiches, granola bars, and M&M's, cried, laughed, debated, nearly lost the ball-bearings on a tire, stayed overnight in a parking lot (while said tire was being repaired,) ate more M&M's, watched countless movies, sang some more, met hundreds upon hundreds of people, talked a lot, had the van window broken into, danced, ate a few more granola bars, and bonded in the deepest way possible. i love my friends.

--drove down to Branson MO for Vision Forum's Titanic 100. it was a gorgeous event, full of speeches, special music, and a 3-course dinner on the showboat Branson Belle. plus Anna and I got to spend it with our daddy. :)

--lost my precious Banjo-man Nick in June. as some of you probably remember, Nick was the Yorkie i got as a therapy dog--at least, that's what i hoped he'd become. it's still very difficult for me to talk about, and i try NOT to think. putting down my puppy was the worst thing i've ever done--one of the hardest, most challenging decisions of my life. i went through a lot of guilt. i cried until my TMJ flared and my throat was sore. but now, looking back, weighing the facts, and through lots of support from my family, friends, and prayer, i know my decision was the right one.

{Nick in his Christmas jammies, about five months before he died}

i miss you, little buddy. thanks for leaving your squeaky-puppy for me to snuggle. it smells like you, and whenever i see it, i see YOU, scampering in the backyard with your beautiful, silky coat, floppy ears, and a mouthful of squeaky-puppy. ♥

". . .because I knew you. . .I have been changed for good." 

--spent over 2 months sewing a ballgown and all the trimmings for Beyond the Mask, an Independent Christian film by Burns Family Studios. Though extremely challenging, (think layer upon layer of clothing--all authentic, hand-drafted re-productions) working with the Ohio branch of the BTM costume team was hugely rewarding! i learned so much, and while i'm STILL not an expert seamstress. . .the seam-ripper and i aren't on the friendliest terms anymore. WIN! 

 

{sneak-peak of my finished gown. the second picture is post-huge hairstyle. :P }

--went on an epic week-long vacation to North Carolina and my forever-beloved Tennessee. ok, so i had the worst head-cold of my life (curse you, sun-poisoning!) and hardly remember anything about Dollywood. . .but swimming for the first time ever in the real-life Atlantic ocean was total bliss. if that's what you'd like to call being knocked over by every single wave. it's what you get at 4'9. ;)  i loved exploring the tiny, secluded island of Baldhead--where Blackbeard and other pirates supposedly roamed, once upon a time--in a golf cart. that is, Blackbeard wasn't in a golf cart. we were. oh my, but all the little golf-cart garages! sooo adorable. i want one. 

 

  

things to remember on vacation: always, always, ALWAYS wear sunscreen on the beach. otherwise ones knees are prone to turning bright-pink and hurting horribly. and ones face may turn red. and one may get a horrible head-cold. and then one may not be able to properly enjoy cabins-in-the-Smokies and hillbilly bluegrass jams across the NC/VA border. word to the wise.

  

  

{pics by Anna}

--saw my friends and Celtic band The High Kings in concert. again. That makes 7 concerts now. 

 

 {R-Darren (my favorit-est King) gives the BEST squishy-daddy hugs. he's an absolute sweetheart.}

--went to a rodeo for the first time. as in bull-riding. yes, i'm addicted. 

{by Anna}

--lived through another Ohio Summer Rendezvous! it was my third year as main event planner and hostess, and thanks to my co-planners-in-crime, OSR '12 was truly the best yet. 

--worked with the (MI branch) BTM Costume team AND appeared as an extra in the masquerade ball scene. see, this is why i haven't put up a proper BTM post. there was so much beauty in the 9 days we worked in MI, it can't be put into words.

sewing until 7:30 AM. . . root-beer floats at all hours of the night, deadlines, colds, eating way too much, laughing our heads off. seeing set for the first time! o.O i won't even TRY to explain. let's put it this way--i am an incredibly blessed girl. i have bonded with the most incredible people in all the world. i have lived in a household of crazy-amazing young ladies. i have BEEN IN A MOVIE.

and i was hugged twice by John Rhys-Davies. 

the end.

i can't wait to see what God does with BTM--it's hugely fascinating, watching the Independent film movement revolutionize the world.  

{pics my Anna}

to my Beyond the Mask family:

"Now we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger

'Till they're before your eyes

You'll come back when they call you

No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when they call you

No need to say goodbye".

you have no idea how much you mean to me. i love each and every one of you--for your uniqueness, your spirit and love for the Lord. for your purpose and oneness of mind. for embracing me in your circle, even though i knew you for only 9 days. thank you so much! 

{copyright Joe Henline}

And now stretches this white, empty canvas--this thing called 2013. Already I see so many changes. Watching my "little sisters grow up, for example. how does that happen? just a couple weeks ago I had a deep heart-to-heart with my 15 year old sister Julia. Once these chats were secluded to the "older set". Julia isn't a little girl anymore. I've seen--and am seeing--her blossom into a young lady who is smart, thoughtful, sincere, and in ways very above me in maturity. That girl is going to teach me a lot, I can tell. 

{our parents. i'm assuming dad got wet from the fountain. ;) } 

{L-R: me, Julia, Maria, Lidia, Anna}

2013. Who are you? So far we've seen The Hobbit together, I've booked tickets to the SAICFF 2013, I'm turning 22. . .and everything stops there.

Write upon these pages Lord. Make them Yours. I give them to YOU.