The emotionally pure cat. . .and where she went wrong.

This isn't just another "relationship" post. It isn't another "contentment" post or a you-must-follow-"The Rules" post. It is something that has been very near and dear to my heart, on a personal level, that I must share with you. A seeking to draw the minds of girls into that of Christ; to evaluate themselves and the men around them. To see that "the books" say one thing, but God has a unique, completely against-the-grain love story in mind, FOR YOU. Throw away your books on emotional purity and tune in. ;)

I'm a girl. In many ways, your typical girl. In others, very different. Very deep. Very something I myself can't understand. Now, remember all the "this isn't"--s above? Well, this isn't a Michaela-has-all-the-answers post. But hey, I'm the authoress, and your reading my blogs, so something of ME will be thrown in. It just works that way. :)

See, God created a package--a small one, under five feet tall, and with passions so deep and vast they turn her into a whirlwind of LIFE. That package is me. Coming from an all girl household, I can say with certainty that each and every female creature on the planet possesses a form of catty. Yeah, that ugly, four letter word. The one that claws and growls and manipulates. The one we stick up our noses at. The one we'd NEVER be. Um, much as I hate to admit it, "MEOW" is part of being female. And if you don't see it in yourself, look again, because you may be the sweetest, most even tempered person in the world. . .but it's there. There is a bit of jealously, diva, princess, and all kinds of selfish womanhood in each of us. It is, or should be--at the core of a true Christian, to battle the flesh and defy the Eve that says. . ."yes, but just one small bite. See Adam? It's beautiful. I'M beautiful. Much more beautiful than HER. Nasty, unworthy creature. You want ME."

From the time a girl enters the world she wants to nurture. It's who God made her. She wants to be loved by men--a man, her man. To be restored to his side as his wife, lover, and best friend. Like an illustration I read recently, men and women were created for each other--apart they are missing the human design. It's like living without a limb, a painting without color, a song without music. Puzzle pieces, scattered over eternity until one day they meet--a perfect, made to measure fit. Its natural. This is why attraction is so important, and why I abhor the phrase "emotional purity." See, the original concept was good. It was meant to curb some of the "meow" tendencies of women. It was meant to obstruct the fantasy-land of girlhood. You know, the fairy tale as follows: tall, dark and handsome (not to mention sinless,) prince drops from sky. Check. Rescues fair maiden. Check. Falls in love with maiden Check. Marries maiden. Check. Lives happily ever after. Check (???). . .and so on and so forth. Unrealistic, but girls, if you stop and think--this is YOU.

"Yeah, so I like this guy. And SHE likes him too. :dark glare: I'm.Going.To.KILL.Her. :purr: Oh Susie? Darling, I LOVE your dress. Where did you get it?" :readies knife:   

Dramatic? Not really. But--say it with me--this isn't another "girl problem" post. Ladies, what are you seeking? I believe with all my heart that men and women were created for marriage--it's the decline of the church and yes, the concept of "emotional purity" that are keeping young people apart. Through books and systems we've learned that attraction is dirty. Lustful. That the man you "like" is someone else's future husband. That you must shatter every thought of possibly marrying him. . .because he'll never, ever be yours. Maybe. But--"emotional purity" supposedly curbs over the top, guy-crazy thoughts. I've seen just the opposite. Rather, girls that come from a strictly by-the-book agenda are sappy, dreamy, scared to death of men, yet somehow think that EVERY guy is potential. That, "oh my goodness, he looked at ME. I think. . .the wedding will be in June." They don't speak with men. That would be lusting. They don't interact with men. That's fornicating. And they most certainly DO NOT entertain thoughts of the new guy in church. . .because, quick! Reverse everything the Lord has instinctively bred in you. My dear, he will NEVER be YOUR husband!!

It's dangerous. I've seen girl after girl fall because she's so "emotionally pure"--every man is a threat. On the opposite spectrum, ladies who have been encouraged to interact with the opposite gender, treating them as brothers, are able to discern good vs. bad character, friendship vs. potential relationships, etc, etc. It's a healthy, God-given pattern, because frankly, isolation from men breeds insecurity. It prevents relationships. It puts girls right into the fantasy land  they are trying so hard to avoid. In my experience, the ladies who are allowed to evaluate and form friendships (in a wholesome, non-personal way,) are able to make rational choices, know exactly what they are looking for, and are free from "waiting for my Mr. Darcy" enslavement. Because a few, natural crushes, and yes, even heartbreak (not encouraging dating in any form when I say this,) are important in defining God's will and timing for relationships. Why are so many young Christian people single? Why don't you take THAT question to the system makers of the modern courtship/betrothal movement.   

What are we looking for? If it's perfection or the hero in a Jane Austen novel, it won't happen. Lately, in my walks through relationship forums, I've seen "lists" that, probably unknowingly, cater to the cattiness of girls. He must have a sense of humor. He must be understanding, protecting, kind. All good on the surface, but remember--this man, whoever he may be, is human too.

I've faced struggle, insecurity, heartbreak, failure, disappointment, battles with my will. I've cried, begged, and am STILL waiting for answers. His ways are not our ways. Can we put a limit on God? Can we tell Him what we want, how we want it? Our first answer is no, but really, think about it. How often do circumstances meet our expectations? How often can we say--this happened EXACTLY the way *I* (prideful, self-centered me,) wanted?! Never. Systems are wrong. Period. However, just as I, and I trust YOU aren't looking for perfection, the man that enters my life must remember that I am human too. Tell me no. Lead me. That's what a woman desires! But we are all fallen creatures. We are all struggling in some area. It's all part of Christ's perfect plan. He is a Just God. There is more to knowing Him than love--there must be repentance, constantly seeking his face. Winning people to a "God has a plan for your life" gospel doesn't work. But he DOES have a predestined plan. He is an Almighty God that is shaping--that has shaped and Authored your story from the moment He gave you life. How can we doubt Him? How can we bind a living God in a book of rules? How can we take the romance He crafted--His beautiful, natural bringing together of men and women, and give it a false identity? 

Ladies, when we make lists. . .remember, God may do something so different, so radical, so unlike anything you or I have ever imagined. Don't look for perfection. Be open to that small, lingering voice in your heart. Seek Him in all and everything--even in the confusion of singleness. In the battle against sin. Branch out. Talk to that guy. Be a sister in Christ. We need to build up our brothers! We need to show them we care--that we want them to fulfill the calling of Biblical manhood. Stop putting a limit on God. "Wait" takes on new meaning when one pulls out of the system. . .and falls headlong into the lap of an all-knowing Creator. The Creator of Love.