Monday, August 13, 2012

Remember{ing} To Smile.



I have much to be happy about. The Lord has and is doing amazing things in my life-- and yet, now that I'm finally, officially home for the next several weeks, there is discontentment in my soul. Crazy, I know, especially after a recent facebook status proclaiming my glorious joy in Christ, my care-free spirit and love for Him. I just came home from a week-long vacation. (btw, I have not forgotten to post pictures! Will do ASAP.) I saw my beloved High Kings in concert. I returned to the sewing machine, needle-strewn basement of the Beyond the Mask costume production team (part of it, aka, a friends home, ala headquarters of the production team.) All within a month. Sounds just about perfect, right? And yet, here I am. . .burdened by emotional cares and the feeling of utter uselessness. No matter how hard I work--nannying, household chores. . .watching The Waltons with my sisters, attending (as a spectator,) a civil war reenactment battle--so many plans, hopes, dreams. Things HAPPENING--right now.

Why am I discontent?

We all go through "lonely" times. Often without explanation. I wonder--is it always wrong, this "needing something more"? Yes, we are to be content in all things. But sometimes the Lord puts a restlessness in our soul--that unspeakable urge--to DO something, GO somewhere, make a difference, see a change. BE a change.

This thing I'm interpreting as discontentment--could it be God's voice? That's what I'm trying to discover. . .and strangely, mind-boggling enough, the answer came yesterday. Possibly. I can't say what right now, (never fear, no young men are involved, ;) ) but if it works, if it's in the Lord's Will, if I can get over the scared-to-death and see beyond--it's a strange mix of all that, really, inside. . .it may ( keyword,) be the most miraculous experience of my life. {Hint: It very possibly begins with an "Ire" and ends in "land".}

Here I am. . .wondering, "Lord, what is it you want from me?" If only we could have a long discussion. . .around a coffee table, just Jesus and I. I have so many questions. And to tell the truth, the answer "wait" doesn't feel sufficient.


But it is. Because HE is sufficient

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heartwaitI sayon the LORD
--Psalm 27:14

Quick life-updates:  // fallish weather has officially arrived in Ohio. Which means berets. . .I picked up an adorable one from Charming Charlie the other day. Pics may come. ;) // Homemade mac and cheese, btw, is divine. . .when cooked in the microwave. It tastes almost like Stouffers. o.O // Seen so many movies/read so many books I feel swamped with all the reviews that need posting! Um . . .Persuasion 2007. Is all I'll say. And I don't even like JA. // Event planning (The Ohio Summer Rendezvous, a homeschool retreat my family hosts annually,) is in full, frantic swing. Lots of work, but always so worth it! // Pearl Maiden. . .is one of the most incredible novels I've ever read. Les Miz has a rival. // I'm considering **possibly** revealing the Narnian of my personal affection.  // My sister Julia just turned 15. // An anti-facebookian has returned. . .to facebook. And is enjoying herself. // I love Les Miserables, Andrea Bocelli, and The High Kings. Oh wait, you already knew that. :P //

I'll be back with a cheerier post soon, promise. Thanks for listening, er, reading my rants. ;) Can't wait to share vacaton and High King's pics!--and if you think about it, please pray about this "possible HUGE opportunity". I'd so appreciate it!

Oh, and before I forget, eShakti is giving a special discount to all {Rhapsody} in PINK readers! Just type in this code to receive 10% off your purchese: PNN7RAR


  1. Oh,my Word. I've been feeling that very urge,I need to GO Somewhere,Do something,Make a difference. I only live once and not only do I want to do as much as I can and live to its fullest,but I want to do stuff for Christ so bad, I want to make that difference in peoples lives.

  2. aw michaela, you are so sweet. I can't wait to hear what's going on! :)

  3. Are you going to IRELAND???!!! I am SOOOO excited for you if so!!;) I would LOVE to go there someday and even found a place that has airline tickets for really cheap -- like under $300.=)
    I know the exact feeling. I have it nearly EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Wanting to go somewhere. Do something. You are NOT alone;)
    I have two berets that I just love wearing.=)
    Can't wait to see the pictures!

  4. Oh gosh, I can totally relate to what your saying. And wait, what am I hearing about, uh , Ire-land?? Oh my, deary!
    Really anxious for your upcoming post about vacays and The High Kings, don't forget! ;)

  5. I don't like to pull my age so please forgive me. But I remember being there around 21 and wondering what is next. It was a difficult time for me, but that is when God gave me college (not for everyone, but for me) and I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without college on so many more levels than academics. College was a God send. Later, when I was at another cross roads, I fully gave God my desire and frustrations and He gave me Berea College here in connections what so ever and I packed my bags and came because I felt that there was were I was supposed to be. I have never regretted it. Now, after 6 1/2 years of school, I am facing a time without school and a job. Come December I will have no more school and no more job and after a year of living without my family I'm moving back in with my parents. I honestly say I am scared about this change (no school, no money, no job). But like you, I am trying to trust in God and His leading. It isn't easy, even with His perfect record, and I'm right there with you.

  6. I think we all go through those times - so we all understand =)I know I do!!!
    It's good to have you back ;-)

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  7. I really liked this. It reminds me of a verse from one of my favorite songs that goes "Jesus, Jesus, I'm still looking for answers / And I know that I won't find them here tonight / But Jesus, Jesus, would you call me if you have the time? / And maybe we could meet for coffee and work it out. / Maybe then I'll understand what it's all about."

  8. Great blog title! love your blog... I hope you will check out mine. . It is called Living Fully by Faith .


  9. My parents say that this longing to do something, to make a change is something that everyone in their twenties and is normal. I know I feel this strong desire everyday and I'm 25. I do think it is God and it has lead me to really question who I am, and who God want me to be. I've found that when am feeling discontent or discouraged its because I has been a while since I have taken the time to get alone with God in prayer and His Word.


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