it was a day of adjustment. today i didn't have my puppy. he wasn't whining in his crate when I got up, all wiggle-waggles--so excited to say "good morning"--ready for the perfect things in puppy life. a bowl of food. humans who loved him. more toys then some children have. explorations outside. barking at birds. chasing the cat. and i sat alone at the computer. . .because it was day without nick. he wasn't curled by my feet, sleeping away the minutes before the rest of the family woke. . .and when they did, he wasn't there to greet them. it was a day of physical stress. a sore throat, my head ready to explode with congestion and TMJ. it was day of cleansing. load after load of laundry, cleaning like a madwoman to busy my mind--so i wouldn't think--listening to a radio drama of The Secret Garden with my siblings. making arugula, brie, and apple-mustard sandwiches for dinner. it was a day of bravery--for all of us. getting used to the silence, smiling more, crying less. even the cat came upstairs--for the first time in nine months. no more running or hiding in the basement for her. it was day of peace. this morning I felt a mantle about me--Jesus covering me. yes, today was that sort of day. beautiful. calm. because prayer works. can it be I have no more tears? can I truly have this stillness in my heart? it seems impossible. but it's there. friends, thank you for your prayers. i can't begin to tell you how the words you wrote, here on my blog, have changed so much in me. how they have refreshed me, brought me to relieved tears, put a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart. i may sound sentimental--even foolish. but it was a day of treasuring--YOU. please, if you can, send me your email addresses--i won't publish the comments. i'd like to thank you all personally. for now, know that you mean the world to me--your support is priceless.
"the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21
my day.
I am so glad you have peace now. I understand how precious that is. You have just accomplished your hardest step...the first day. It will get easier now.
ReplyDeleteMichaela, this was a heartbreaking and beautiful post all at once. Today must have been hard without your Banjo-Man Nick, but I can truthfully say that He is the greatest balm to an aching heart. It is amazing and uplifting to behold your incredible faith, a faith strengthened all the more by the presence of sorrow. You are an inspiration, dear.
ReplyDeleteMuch love and many prayers,
Elizabeth Rose
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18
That peace that God gives is such a blessing! The first day is always the hardest. After all the pain, waking up to the beginning of a new day is such a gift... a glimmer of sunlight breaking out after the storm. You're reliance on Jesus in this hard time and seeing Him working and giving you peace and courage today is such an encouragement to me! Thank you for letting us know how you're doing!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
~Hadley
prayers. <3
ReplyDeleteMy heart just broke as I read your post about your dog. I had a beautiful yellow Labrador named Daisy who disappeared when she was about 2 years old (and I had had her from week 8 on). I remember sobbing as I haven't sobbed before just missing her. The ache that is there for a while. But the healing and the growth that comes from such an experience is always astounding!!! God is always right there holding your hand, and wrapping his hands around your heart so gently as this time happens.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear of you having the peace that He gives. I am afraid I didn't have it right away. I was too heartbroken and selfishly focusing on my heart to listen to Him.
I must say it was so brave of you to take him to the vet!!! I know that was such a hard decision!!! I also know how right it is. Always know you did the right thing. Whenever those doubts come- which they will. My lab was lost because she was "out on the ranch" with the boys. Something she just LOVED doing! She jumped off to chase a rabbit or other such critter and just didn't come home. We pray she was picked up at a truck stop nearby, but won't know. I always wonder if I should have kept her home. But I wouldn't have done that to her. I wouldn't do it now. They have such joy out of things that can get them hurt so you have to let it go.
I don't know if this helps, or if you think I am some weirdo, but your post just hit home and I wanted to comment and let you know that I was praying for you!!
"somewhere far away,
a prayer is being said
and in that quiet place,
a heart is being led,
led to mention me by name,
to Him who bore my guilt and shame,
I've been remembered
by someone far away."
Angela DiPrima "Someone Far Away" song
Praying for you!
Rebecca
@ A Prairie Princess